Sick Chicken

Now very 辛苦.

Since coming back from M'sia,haven't been resting enough. Having to wake up at 6am also doesn't help. The flu has been supressing itself, until yesterday, when it decided to explode.

Since this morning, has been self-medicating. Fever was 39 degrees, then went down, then up again.

Finally went to see doc just now, and fever was 38 degrees. And $48 poorer.

Got 1 day MC. Got to call the camp tomorrow to tell them.

Reader's Digest Courtesy Survey

RD's survey says Singaporeans are not courteous at all, ranking 30 out of 35.

Wah, why am I not surprised sia ...

Why need RD to tell us? I already told you here!

Lee-zer-bit

Finally, after many, many years out in the wilderness, I have finally gone back to serve my country.

I haven't been the best reservist (or NSman) around, never bothering to update my particulars. I have also been missing IPPTs.

I got so excited that I had problems sleeping last night. Hope this doesn't aversely affect my health.

Donning my camouflage uniform and entering a camp brought back all the euphoria I used to feel. We are the protector of the land leh!

Glad to also see the profile of my course mates are similar to mine - first incamp after 10 odd years. I feel at home liao.

Matter of Opinion

Spotted this at the airport.

Wouldn't "Legacy" be a better choice?

Genting Ranting

The last time we went to Genting was eons ago. This time around, the experience was different, as the whole bus(!) are our own group. Also, it will be 6(!) to a room. When I heard, I was like " How do you bloody squeeze 6 people into a hotel room?"

Somehow it worked out, as there were shifts. One group will be at the casino while the other slept, and vice versa.

Apart from the older rides, the outdoor theme park also had a few new rides. We tried them all. Then there's this whole new place called New World Hotel. The hotel is nothing to rave about, but the shopping / F&B area is sipeh steady! Had most of our meals there.

Wifey and I blew about RM200 at the casino. It's a third of our bloody budget!

England vs Trinidad & Tobago

TMD. I put $5 on Away-Home (HT-FT), and the odds were $22! That means I could have won $110!

But disappointing T&T didn't manage to score before half-time (or for the rest of the match), and there goes my money ...

Touched ... by Him

Today was supposed to be another peaceful day, until ...

... my boss declared that he committed to give a customer a quote today, and he had to leave for Malaysia in an hour's time. Wah, thanks ah ...

My colleague and I rushed, he calling the supplier and me counter-checking with the customer on his requirements.

Knowing that we're going to work late, I sian half liao. I was supposed to get a cake for Father's Day tonight, since all the 3 kids will not be there to celebrate with Dad. But now like that ... It's another case of family vs work.

The quote was finally sent at 9.40pm. The first thought was to get the cake in Bedok, since there are more shops there. But by the time I reached, I guess they'd have all closed by then. As I was driving along, Ubi Central was in front, and I gratefully turned in. However, the further I walked, the more disappointed I became. Most of the shops were closed.

Can't a person have both family AND career? Why must it always be a compromise? I kept replaying this thought in my head. The more I thought, the harder I prayed, asking the Buddha to help me. I want to be a good worker, and I also want to be a good son.

At some point, I decided to head back to the car. I've almost given up. "I'll buy it tomorrow then", I told to myself. Just then, right in front of me, was the shop with the signboard "X X Confectionery". At that moment, I knew He heard me, and it was His guidance that brought me along the path to the shop. I wanted to cry, and I think I did tear a bit. Given the difficult time that I'm going through, I thought He has taken a backseat, but no, He is still there for me. I bought the cake gratefully, and left.

I am still thankful and touched. I'm so happy the relationship is back.

Thank you, Lord Buddha, for hearing my prayers and being there for me.

Meadow of Quivering Aspens

The name Waverley has such a nice fuzzy feeling to it, in large parts due to the sentimental link.

So when comments I left are responded with "Thanks ger" and "Smart girl", I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's usually followed by a sheepish "Er, I is guy".

See, it says here it is also a boy's name what! Quivering aspens, ok?!

Some silly websites say it means "to wave". Duh, does that mean Washington is "to wash"?

White Supremacy

Once again, white is good, yellow / dark is bad.

Why is it so difficult to shake off the "white is GOOOOOD in everything" mentality?

Don't we have talents locally? Are yoy saying that we don't have enough qualified people? If yes, then shouldn't the question be: how come we don't have enough qualified people leh?

Sick and tired of these knee-jerk effect, and the inability to plan for the future.

It's Back!!!!!

It's back after 4 years!

I'm putting my money on Brazil ($10) and Germany ($5).

Woohoo!

Saying Thank You

I don't understand why some people find it so hard to say thank you.

I say it all the time: to the karang guni man that buys my newspapers, to the hawker that just gave me back my change, to the Pizza Hut phone operator that just took my order. Heck, I even raise my hand to thank the driver that lets my car pass first.

I mean, it doesn't cost me anything, and nobody would be offended by it. If people expects it, then I'll just give it to them! It's not hypocritical; it's just being polite.

Why can't everybody practise it so that this word can be a nicer place?

Much Has Happened ...

I'm back. Looking at my own blog, my last entry was 20 Feb. That was over 3 months ago. Many things have happened.

Feb 28: my last day at the god-forsaken place

Mar 1 - 31: a well-deserved but financially irrational break

Apr 3: the start of a new life

As for now:

Health

• knee still hurts, although not as much
• temporarily dumped Commonwealth for Jurong
• stomach still flatulent, although not as much

Baby

• still no sign of the little fella

Work

• much smaller company
• next to no politics
• but basic salary cannot sustain me
• wondering when the sales and corresponding commission will come
• but overall still happier

Finances

• extremely bad shape
• bank account was already so minute
• now every month still must top up because of deficit

Mood

• while glad that I'm out of the hell hole, but still moody, or maybe even worse
• seems like the last episode(s) have caused such a major dent in my life/progress/confidence/self-worth
• stakes are so high that I'm so afraid to fail again
• so afraid that if I fail again, I will never have the mental strength to get up
• have become resentful, but keep reminding myself not to be
• very touched that I have friends around me who take a serious interest in my well-being
• besides Wifey, Elliot is the other one who has witnessed my deep-thinking/sorrow/my feeble perk-me-ups

Lessons

• financial awareness - now I can account right down to the last cent
• politics is a way of life
• learning to forgive is a near-impossibility
• there are friends that care
• then there are friends that you think are close, yet you hesitate in telling them your financial difficulties
• mental strength is like latent heat - you can't see it, but it's what makes the difference

I WILL SURVIVE, AND WILL LIVE TO TELL!

Zo Swee Swee Lunch

The past few weeks zipped past so quickly. All I remember is reaching office around 9.15am, emails, lunch, emails, leave at 6.30pm. Many people have been to the office to say bye. Appreciate their well-wishes. I have also intentionally not switched on the room lights so that it is dark and ... moody.

Anyway, have asked for a slot to have lunch with him. I don't know why I wanted it. People may accuse me of hypocrisy, but to me, wrapping this whole episode is more important, even though I never will like or respect him.

The original lunch slot this Friday has been taken up. It has been rescheduled to ... today! I was like, WTF?? This type of thing also need to be mentally prepared one, you know! What are we to talk about about? Are there any answers I want from him? In between these thoughts, I asked the secretary if she could help me with something. "Can you casually mention to him that these few weeks, you see me like damn dejected and depressed"? I wanted to use it as a topic for lunch. Even though she agreed, she didn't manage to speak with him, and we were off to lunch already. And I drove.

The lunch was definitely awkward. I thought he was going to bring up the "you should have done this, shouldn't have done that" shit, but credit to him, he didn't. We spoke about the very safe and generic topic of ... the Management. Of course, since it was a conversation, I have to sneak in the occasional "is it", "really", not to mention the shaking / nodding of my head and the well-time laughs.

He paid for lunch. From my point of view, the whole session was cordial. But it did NOTHING to ease the pain that he caused me, nor did it make me want to respect him.

I Finally Did It

Been debating with myself on whether to do it last Friday or today. Eventually, compassion won, so that he can have a good CNY. Imagine, compassion towards him!! Sometimes I amaze myself.

Took me a long time to fall asleep last night. Got up early today to go to work. While I have gone through the sequence of events many times over in my head, my heart was still beating very quickly when I typed the letter, sprinted to the printer to retrieve the print-out and to sign it.

Today, I tendered my resignation.

My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't breathe when I knocked on his door.

"I would like to tender my resignation".

He looked away from his notebook at the white envelope on his desk, and without missing a beat, went back to typing, and asked "Why?"

I wanted to slap him there and then for asking the freaking obvious. "I don't think I can contribute anymore", I managed.

He stopped what he was doing, and let loose his thoughts over these past few days of CNY holidays. The bottom line I gathered, was that he figured out work wasn't everything, and that he has been neglecting his family. He was philosophical about his current situation - not doing well, but too proud to quit. He also mentioned that something big will happen to the division - he has been asked to close it down. Most of the people will be transferred, although some will be asked to leave. He sneaked in some comments that told me he didn't get much instructions from his boss on how it was to be done, and he was resentful about it. He didn't counter-offer. I learnt later that he had wanted me to continue to report to him in the new entity.

Finally, after so many months, I see his human side re-surfacing. Having said that, while I can forgive, I will never forget.

The rest of the day was a blur. I did tell one or two persons, and word got around.

So many thoughts have been crossing my mind since I decided to tender. What will people think of you? A quitter? What will potential employers think about your job-hopping ways? How are you to face your friends? What will your ex-colleagues think? Do you think you can find a suitable job? I have no answers for these questions. All I know is I need a month's break. The questions can wait.

You Know Your Time Is Up When ... (Part II)

• you are talking to a director, when he barges into the room to ask the director "Can we start now? I'm done". Hello??!! Did you even have the decency to ask if we are done?
  
  
• you spent one hour playing blackjack with your colleagues in the conference room
  
  
• your colleague that sits on another floor exclaims to you "Wah, you all downstairs damn dead, man. Everytime I go there, my mood sinks".
  
  
• you can't bear to call his name, so you address him as Sir
  
  
• you end up checking his calendar more than your own

Yoga

Last Thu we went for our first yoga lesson.

It was pouring and we were late. Despite that, I was adventurous enough to try a route that I've not used for years. One (only one!) wrong turn later, we reached. They were already 15 minutes into the class when we entered the studio.

The exercises were so much more manageable than the previous time!! It had its fair amount of stretching, "good for the abdomen" and "a little bit more", but was enough to tire the body thereafter. It is general fatigue, rather than sores, like after jogging. There were also more guys.

Went for the second lesson yesterday. Late again, nothing new there. For the rest of the day, was so tired. Helped out on Saturday night, had to wake up early to go yoga, yoga, then still went Sheng Siong to buy stuff. TIRED!!

We chiat Arse-senile 1 - 0!

Gone are the days when the Gunners are invincible.

At the same time, we are enjoying great form. This is our fourth consecutive league win.

Keep up the good work, Moyesy!

Looking Back

I am now alone in the office. The rest have gone back. They have cut the air-con.

I'm not exactly working. Am just surfing the Web.

I have Emil Chou's 心的方向 playing off my notebook.

The first time I heard this song was many years ago, while a student. This song was especially meaningful to a teenager, on the threshold of adulthood, and believing that I'm capable of bigger things other than studies. It was about dreams, ambitions, zest and life in general.

You can almost say I was at the crest of self-belief.

Fast forward to 2006. I have become lethargic, slightly jaded, cynical and suspicious. All I can think of is why is my boss treating me like this, and going home to my wife.

Occasionally, the spark in me does surface, and I believe great things are waiting for me to be achieved. I know I'm capable of achieving them, but yet ...

I think I have 心结. I know I need to be rid of it, but I don't know what is it, or how.

Now, listening to this song again, and comparing then and now, I feel like tearing. Hell, I am tearing!

The Rain Has Stopped : (

Living in the tropics, I've always loved the rain, despite the inconvenience. Love the cool weather and the breeze. Somehow, the rain makes me ... pensive. So imagine my delight when the skies opened up for the past few days.

But this morning, the sun came out, and it's rays are beating on my back through the office window. Oooiiii ... Weather forecasts say it'll rain today. I can't wait.

~ Update 16.01.06 ~

It didn't rain that day, and has not since! WTF??!!

Fighting For Your Own Right

Sometime back XX wrote a post about her fighting for her rights. And I totally agree with her. No reason why we should be bullied for no reason. Fighting back need not be rude, but firm and assertive.

In each of our minds, we have a baseline of what is right, what is wrong, what can be accepted and what can't. Once that line is breached, the protect-myself mode kicks in. Over the years, credit card companies, restaurants, departmental stores have incurred my wrath. Hell, once I even complained about a Traffic Police customer service officer! Don't think I 小市民 can bully!

Maybe it's the smaller-sized people that are more feisty. While we can't be seen, we want to be "heard", for fear of being mistaken as wimps. Many-a-time I get asked "Why are you walking so fast?"

The reply "Bigger strides can catch up with taller people".