Zo Swee Swee Lunch

The past few weeks zipped past so quickly. All I remember is reaching office around 9.15am, emails, lunch, emails, leave at 6.30pm. Many people have been to the office to say bye. Appreciate their well-wishes. I have also intentionally not switched on the room lights so that it is dark and ... moody.

Anyway, have asked for a slot to have lunch with him. I don't know why I wanted it. People may accuse me of hypocrisy, but to me, wrapping this whole episode is more important, even though I never will like or respect him.

The original lunch slot this Friday has been taken up. It has been rescheduled to ... today! I was like, WTF?? This type of thing also need to be mentally prepared one, you know! What are we to talk about about? Are there any answers I want from him? In between these thoughts, I asked the secretary if she could help me with something. "Can you casually mention to him that these few weeks, you see me like damn dejected and depressed"? I wanted to use it as a topic for lunch. Even though she agreed, she didn't manage to speak with him, and we were off to lunch already. And I drove.

The lunch was definitely awkward. I thought he was going to bring up the "you should have done this, shouldn't have done that" shit, but credit to him, he didn't. We spoke about the very safe and generic topic of ... the Management. Of course, since it was a conversation, I have to sneak in the occasional "is it", "really", not to mention the shaking / nodding of my head and the well-time laughs.

He paid for lunch. From my point of view, the whole session was cordial. But it did NOTHING to ease the pain that he caused me, nor did it make me want to respect him.

I Finally Did It

Been debating with myself on whether to do it last Friday or today. Eventually, compassion won, so that he can have a good CNY. Imagine, compassion towards him!! Sometimes I amaze myself.

Took me a long time to fall asleep last night. Got up early today to go to work. While I have gone through the sequence of events many times over in my head, my heart was still beating very quickly when I typed the letter, sprinted to the printer to retrieve the print-out and to sign it.

Today, I tendered my resignation.

My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't breathe when I knocked on his door.

"I would like to tender my resignation".

He looked away from his notebook at the white envelope on his desk, and without missing a beat, went back to typing, and asked "Why?"

I wanted to slap him there and then for asking the freaking obvious. "I don't think I can contribute anymore", I managed.

He stopped what he was doing, and let loose his thoughts over these past few days of CNY holidays. The bottom line I gathered, was that he figured out work wasn't everything, and that he has been neglecting his family. He was philosophical about his current situation - not doing well, but too proud to quit. He also mentioned that something big will happen to the division - he has been asked to close it down. Most of the people will be transferred, although some will be asked to leave. He sneaked in some comments that told me he didn't get much instructions from his boss on how it was to be done, and he was resentful about it. He didn't counter-offer. I learnt later that he had wanted me to continue to report to him in the new entity.

Finally, after so many months, I see his human side re-surfacing. Having said that, while I can forgive, I will never forget.

The rest of the day was a blur. I did tell one or two persons, and word got around.

So many thoughts have been crossing my mind since I decided to tender. What will people think of you? A quitter? What will potential employers think about your job-hopping ways? How are you to face your friends? What will your ex-colleagues think? Do you think you can find a suitable job? I have no answers for these questions. All I know is I need a month's break. The questions can wait.