Acceptance

My colleagues left for lunch without me. They went in 2 groups. Nobody called me; each assumed that I had left with the other group.

When I was younger, I used to get really upset over such incidents. It means nobody bothered if I’m there or not, that I’m not one of the “in group”. I remember once, at my grandma’s place, the cousins locked themselves in one of the bedrooms because there was this one pesky little cousin that kept irritating them. Unfortunately, I was locked out as well. My ego took a major hit. It was a while later that the bedroom door opened (can’t remember if I had knocked), and my eldest cousin exclaimed “What are you doing outside? Get inside!” and holding me by my arm, yanked me into the room.

There was this other incident in college. My girlfriend’s (now wife) good friend, for no rhyme or reason, decided one fine day that she will stop talking to me. I probed and I asked, but no response. I asked Wifey, she also got no clue. Wah, I really lost sleep because of it. (It was only years later, like recently, that she decided the war is over).

Not that I want to be Mr Popular, but I craved acceptance, acceptance into the group, into society. Yes, I may have been over-sensitive, but the lack of self-confidence was a greater devil.

Now, I’m still sensitive, but I don’t such things bug me. Actually, the truth is: I can’t be bothered anymore.

And my colleagues are back.



Post Date: 26 March 2007