Slept an additional hour this morning, but it still didn't help with the 偏头痛. Knew that it wasn't going to be a good day. Even my colleagues asked what was wrong.
Decided that I had enough and left for home at around 4.30pm.
On the way home, I tried to rationalise my sian-ness. I think it's a combination of factors, a perfect storm of emotions:
1. Office Work
Work has been really intense, and I've been kept on my toes. I'm not trained in my current responsibility, and I have no prior experience nor knowledge. Everything has been learnt on the ground. Because of this, I move very cautiously, poring over every detail and (try to) cover every angle. The buck stops with me. One wrong move/decision could send me to jail, incur the company a fine, or worse, send the whole structure down. It's not so much the pressure, but rather, the responsibility that's weighing me down. I need a break from months of scolding contractors, complaining to customers, spot checks and approving drawings/plans. And just before I left for home, another person was prepared to inconvenience us so as to get whatever he wanted. I was too tired to fight back.
2. Volunteer Work
Heard from a friend yesterday that the current case has been put on accelerated path. It's back to the good old days. We haven't been approached yet, but it might just happen. I really don't mind helping, but I always get the feeling our help is taken for granted, that it is 理所当然. Sigh. I may be over-worrying. Maybe the existing group can handle ... ?
3. Kids
Went to see the chinese physician again after another month of red marks. This time around, he diagnosed that the problem may lie with me. Sigh. Why is it so hard to conceive? Other people don't even need to try to get pregnant! And we just came back from dinner with a couple friend who brought along their 18-month-old boy. Guess what was the main conversational topic throughout the dinner?
Photo credit here.
Post Date: 20 Jun 08
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