Good feeling

It's been a long time since I woke up in the middle of the night after a dream, but it happened this morning. Was even able to throw the blanket over Wifey.

Was feeling warm and fuzzy, and fell back into dreamland... only to be abruptly interrupted by little girl's cries!



Post Date: 16 Aug 10

Quotes for the day

Told to my face over coffee:

"If you need to SMS him at 2 in the morning, then he doesn't need you"

Conversation on 9pm show on Channel 8:

"命运是不能屈服的,命运是要征服的"

Super moody. More later.



Post Date: 6 Jan 10

"Feeling better yet?"

Yes, immensely!

Thank you Lord, for making me feel useful, needed and having some self worth by packing my day with decisions that I have to make and people that know what I want and know what I'm talking about. Also thank you for putting people whom I can click with around me.

Most importantly, thank you Lord for bestowing upon me the wisdom and the clarity of thought with which I tap upon to solve these problems.

Amitabha.



Post Date: 9 Sep 09

How is it done?

Mahatma Gandhi once said:

“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever”

Dear Gandhiji, I understand the immense wisdom of your words, but I fail miserably in its execution ...



Image credit here.

Post Date: 8 Sep 09

Blind ruminant left to die

*Update* 5pm

Very disturbed, so went to seek divine assistance. The lot said:

"To act is to court disaster"

Yikes! So now better 按兵不动.

*****************************

It's been 3 days, and I still can't figure out my next course of action.

It's tough working against the unknown of unknowns, especially the timeframe. I need to quickly sort out my thoughts and put in an action plan, but ...

STILL NO BLOODY IDEA!



Image credit here.

Post Date: 26 Aug 09

How apt

Today's horoscope in the Sunday Times says:

Spend time alone with your thoughts today and you will be in a better frame of mind. You need some distance from the flurry of activity in the workplace so that you gain a better perspective on recent events.

How did they know?



Post Date: 23 Aug 09

Bitter. Sweet.

So today marked the end of another in-camp training. While the maps, overlay, enemy actions and the department head's requirements still daunt me, I must say I survived better this time. I seemed to know what was going on. Yet again, this exercise was definitely less intense than the previous one.

The going was tough - early mornings, late nights, endless injects and countless presentations. While going through it, I couldn't wait for it to finish.

But now that it's over, I kind of ... miss it. Not so much the training, but the teamwork, the bind of the common destiny, and the talking cock. I did much, much better on the communication with the team.

This in-camp is the last one for some of the guys. I'll miss them, just like how I miss those who had already MR-ed at the last in-camp.

In other news, I ALMOST became the first NS men of the entire division to out-pro : )



Image credit here.

Post Date: 23 Aug 09

Time to go green

Reservist training (AGAIN! ARRRGHH!) starting from tomorrow.

I had so much trouble assimilating.
I had so much trouble understanding what was needed of me.
I had so much trouble understanding the doctrines.
I felt that I couldn't contribute.
I didn't like the long hours away from home.

And they are all coming back.



Post Date: 13 Aug 09

The Eagle Has Landed

Today marks the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11's landing on the moon.

That triumph over the (then thought) impossibility so intrigued a particular Singapore boy that he became interested in the moon, and astronomy in general, and he constantly pestered his parents to allow him to buy space books. His first astronomy book was a thin hard-cover book bought from Emporium. He still remembers its yellow-coloured price tag and that it has, on its cover, sun rise over Earth, seen from space.

Secretly he wanted to be an astronaut. Neil Armstrong was his hero. He wanted to get the best seats in the house when it came to space exploration. In his kiddy mind, the excitement far outweighed the fear of not coming back. However, when confronted with the school composition topic of "What I want to be when I grow up", he didn't write about being an astronaut. Apart from the lack of a space programme in Asia (then), he was also afraid of being laughed at. (This inferior complex will continue to haunt him into his adulthood, with no remedy in sight).

He read that the astronauts were mostly engineering graduates and fighter pilots. Alas, our dear boy didn't make the cut. Not only did he suck big time in science (C5 for 'O' level Chemistry and C6 for Physics), his stubby existence (pun intended) meant that he'll never fit into the fighter cockpit. That one briefing at the RSAF is at the far end of his failing memory.

Despite the setback, he continued his dalliances with astronomy, buying the occasional book and DVD boxsets. He considers the purchase of the DVD set of the TV series From the Earth to the Moon a coup, considering that he searched for it for years.

To date, he has yet to haul his big, fat ass to the shelf to retrieve the box, remove the shrink wrap and pop the DVDs into the player.







Image credit here.

Post Date: 20 Jul 09

A positive attitude

Was re-introduced to this set of powerpoint slides again today.

Simple Guidelines to Happiness

1. Free your heart from hate
2. Free your mind from worry
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less



Post Date: 8 Jun 09

Reminder to self

1. People look down on you -> not confirmed, could just be due to perception

2. You look down on yourself = people look down on you -> confirmed, because people will see you just like how you see yourself

3. There is such a thing called a self-fulfilling prophecy



Post Date: 5 Jun 09

That sinking feeling

Back for the 3rd day already, but the feeling still hasn't been shaken off.

It's that... sad, helpless feeling that makes one moody, uninspired, questions one's self-worth and role in this Universe.

Is there a Dementor around, or is it just fatigue and exhaustion?



Image credit here.

Post Date: 20 May 09

Start to the Year of the Ox - Sianzzzz

The New Year, like all new years, started with Wifey and I rushing through the last bits of our spring cleaning. This year though, was a bit more meaningful, as we went beyond the usual - we got ourselves new roller blinds (finally!) for the master bedroom, re-did the silicon lining in the master bathroom, fixed the leaky toilet flush, and Wifey tried her hands at baking pineapple tarts for the first time.

So things started well enough.

By the end of the 2nd day, I was damn sian already, and by the end of the 4th day, I was totally gone. CNYs have a tendency to bring out the worst in me. It must have been a combination of some (or even ALL) of the following:

1. In the eyes of mum-in-law, no matter how well I do, how concerned I am about her well-being, how hard I made her laugh, I'm still only the son-in-law. I can't shirk away, cos I made a vow to Dad ...

2. The 2nd day of CNY is always spent on the couch of mum-in-law's place. Wifey will be playing mahjong with her relatives (which she hardly does nowadays), and I will be awkwardly entertaining myself on the couch. TV, book or sleep? It's unimaginable to be idling the time away on the 2nd day of the New Year, but I'm just too polite to pack up and leave. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

3. I wish I am invisible when it comes to crowds. The need to make small talk, the friendly laughs, where do I stand, do I join in the conversations ... ARRRGGHHH!

4. And then there's the baby thing. Younger cousin-in-law is already undergoing IVF treatments. As for us? We haven't even freaking started! And someone actually said to me " After 1, 2 years of trying, if there's still no news, must go for assisted programmes already. Cannot wait." I wanted to shout back "I KNOW!", but was afraid of the return, "So why didn't you?" Sigh. Somebody who already has 3 boys, is going to be a father again. This time to a girl. Time is running out for us. I'm so depressed.

5. And who can forget the frustrations of money. For the longest time, since I started work, I have pegged all my break-out-of-the-rat-race's-vicious-cycle and time-to-buy-a-private-property hopes on my investments. I studied them carefully, trying to understand and acquaint with the different products. Stocks, unit trusts, foreign currencies, insurance, emerging markets, AP ex-J ... I have them all. Despite doing this for the good part of the past 10 years, I am no where near to declaring "Let's use this money for a condo". Hell, the entire portfolio is down 50%, I think! WTF??!! These investments were meant to be the cornerstone of my imminent success!! Ha, what a joke! Where did I go wrong? WHERE DID I GO WRONG? How is it that people can buy one private property after another, whereas I don't even have cash to do proper renovations for my HDB flat??!! Urrrgh!

THIS SINKING FEELING SUX BIG TIME!!!



Photo credit here.

Post Date: 30 Jan 09

Little Nyonya theme song - 如燕

《如燕》
词曲：陈佳明
编曲：Terence Teo
制作人：陈佳明
演唱：Olivia Ong



愿意合上眼才能美梦无边
别让悔熏乌了从前

也许碎片才能让回忆展颜
何妨瓷花拼凑明天

谁带我寻获幸福的模
却自己谜中困锁

谁为我留下缱绻的天涯
信物是抹晚霞

Chorus:
思念如燕它飞舞舌尖
若是真爱配尝几分苦甜

意念婆娑时间里推磨
追随到何处才结果

燕如针线在青空缝编
几幅女红将以泪缀点

誓言斑驳情雾只是经过
风雨中且让我盈步婀娜




Post Date: 10 Dec 08

Reminder to self

Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.
Be grateful with what you have. Don't compare and don't complain.


Post Date: 9 Dec 08

空虚

今天是农历九月十九, 纪念观世音菩萨成道日.

早上到四马路走了一趟. 拜拜之后, 原本还想跟菩萨求支签, 想问问为什么迟迟没有宝宝的音讯. 可惜的是, 今天没有支签服务.

庙里庙外, 人群很多,但视线很模糊. 是睡眠不足, 还是对周围的一切完全没兴趣?

近期还真的有很多东西烦 - 工作, baby, 投资... 看到人家买车买楼, 感到很自卑, 总觉得自己比不上别人, 因为自己做的, 不比别人多, 比别人好. 真的很难受, 也很空虚. 为了这些红尘事而烦, 显得很肤浅, 但毕竟我还是凡夫俗子.

老婆相反的, 对这些不以为然. 或许, 这就是我需要的, 那股平衡的力量吧.

嗨 ...



Image credit here.

Post Date: 17 Oct 08

Another month, another test marked in red

It's like at night, when you can't get to sleep. The later it gets, the more you worry. And the more you worry, the harder it is to fall asleep.

Very soon, I'll need to dig right inside to conjure up the optimism and belief.

Also, it has been happening with increasing frequency, this lack of a good night's sleep ...



Image credit here.

Post Date: 17 Oct 08

What a LOVELY day!

This is turning out to be such a WONDERFUL day!

Not only is arse luck rearing its pretty head, this is also the day I found out a friend just sold his condo FOR A PROFIT and has moved into his new condo in the west.

And when did I hear this? Right after worrying if my job will still be there and wondering if I should take the property agent course as a backup, and contemplating selling the car to buy a cheaper one so as to lower the monthly instalments.

I can't breathe now, and need to sit down ...



Post Date: 14 Oct 08

Sianzzzz

Slept an additional hour this morning, but it still didn't help with the 偏头痛. Knew that it wasn't going to be a good day. Even my colleagues asked what was wrong.

Decided that I had enough and left for home at around 4.30pm.

On the way home, I tried to rationalise my sian-ness. I think it's a combination of factors, a perfect storm of emotions:

1. Office Work
Work has been really intense, and I've been kept on my toes. I'm not trained in my current responsibility, and I have no prior experience nor knowledge. Everything has been learnt on the ground. Because of this, I move very cautiously, poring over every detail and (try to) cover every angle. The buck stops with me. One wrong move/decision could send me to jail, incur the company a fine, or worse, send the whole structure down. It's not so much the pressure, but rather, the responsibility that's weighing me down. I need a break from months of scolding contractors, complaining to customers, spot checks and approving drawings/plans. And just before I left for home, another person was prepared to inconvenience us so as to get whatever he wanted. I was too tired to fight back.

2. Volunteer Work
Heard from a friend yesterday that the current case has been put on accelerated path. It's back to the good old days. We haven't been approached yet, but it might just happen. I really don't mind helping, but I always get the feeling our help is taken for granted, that it is 理所当然. Sigh. I may be over-worrying. Maybe the existing group can handle ... ?

3. Kids
Went to see the chinese physician again after another month of red marks. This time around, he diagnosed that the problem may lie with me. Sigh. Why is it so hard to conceive? Other people don't even need to try to get pregnant! And we just came back from dinner with a couple friend who brought along their 18-month-old boy. Guess what was the main conversational topic throughout the dinner?



Photo credit here.

Post Date: 20 Jun 08

What a great way to start the week

Was reading the papers this morning at breakfast when I spotted a familiar face in the Business section.

It was an ex-colleague, someone that I quite regularly bumped into. He has just been made General Manager of a developing country up north.

Here I am, wondering if I'll still have a job in 2 weeks' time, and then I see in the papers a peer who has been promoted.

What I know is, he's no longer a peer after this announcement.



Post Date: 1 Oct 2007